You know you're a Nurse when...

(The starred ones apply especially in the Baptist ER)

-You believe that all bleeding stops ... eventually.
-You find humor in other people's stupidity.
*-You believe that 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm.
-Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
-Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
-You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
-You plan your dinner break whilst lavaging an overdose patient.
-Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers.
-You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group.
-You have the bladder capacity of five people.
-Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
*-You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
-You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see.
-You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.
*-You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign a self discharge form so you don't have to deal with them any longer.
-You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.
*-You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce.
-You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet isn't it".
-You threaten to strangle anyone who even starts to say the "q" word when it is even remotely calm.
-You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers at the grocery store.
-You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".
*-You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide ... Doing It Right".
-You feel that most suicide attempts should be given a free subscription to "Guns and Ammo" magazine.
-You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".
-You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
-Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
-You think that caffeine should be available in I/V form.
-You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.
*-You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.
-You want the lab to perform a "dumb shit profile".
-You have been exposed to so many X-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control.
*-You believe that waiting room time should be proportional to length of time from symptom onset.
-Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 hours / days / weeks / months / years)?".
-You have ever had a patient control his seizures when offered some food.
-Your idea of gambling is an blood alcohol level pool instead of a football pool.
-You shock someone with an unrecognizable rhythm ... until you get one you DO recognize.
-You believe a book entitled 'Suicide: Getting it Right the First Time' will be your next project.
-You can identify what kind of diarrhea it is just by the smell.
-You will never name a daughter "Melena" or anything along those lines.. and laugh to yourself every time you hear someone by that name
-You call subcutaneous emphysema "Rice Krispies".
-Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the backyard.
-You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock.
-Every time you walk, you make a rattling noise because of all the scissors and clamps in your pockets.
-You don't get excited about blood loss ... unless it's your own.
-You've told a confused patient your name was that of your coworker and to HOLLER if they need help.
-Eating microwave popcorn out a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
-You've ever had a patient with a nose / belly / eyebrow / lip ring/ tattoo tell you, "I'm afraid of shots."
-the front of your scrubs reads 'Nurses... here to save your ass, not kiss it!'
**-you believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
- you believe there's a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.

all so true, and I have only been at this for 6 months now!!

Enjoy!